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Five. It’s a number like any other and yet it’s a number like no other.

When a child turns five, they’re no longer a toddler; they become a young boy or girl. In another five years, they’ll be on their way to becoming a ‘tween.
When you were a child, having $5 in your hand felt like five million and could’ve been for all you knew. You were rich!

When we were children, five months until our birthday or Christmas seemed like ages before we could celebrate. As we grew older, five years passed with a blink. We’ve been busy living our lives with nary a thought to the years whizzing by.

The song says “One is the loneliest number” but I think five is right up there, at least as far as marking time. Mom has been gone four years but this was the fifth Christmas without her. Everyone told me the first would be difficult, but no one told me the fifth would be harder; half a decade without hearing her voice, holding her hand, praying with her, kissing her goodnight. I miss talking with her. Oh, how I miss that every single day.

There’s a meme on social media that says, “Of all the things my Mother taught me, living without her wasn’t one of them.” It’s true. For five years, instead of asking her opinion, I’ve had to think “What would Mom do?” So, I ask myself that question and listen to my heart for the answer. Just before I fall asleep, I ask her to help me sort it out so that I’ll know my answer when I awake. It helps. I’m also keeping myself open to signs that she’s with me and I feel a sense of peace when they come. The other day I received a transaction confirmation number and it was the last four digits of her phone number. Yesterday, I was watching the car being washed through the large observation windows. As one of the washing drums turned, there were her initials! She is with me. It’s taken me five years, but I can now see and these signs and when I do, I’m able to greet them with happiness rather than sorrow. Five years has seemed like a long time.

Five. It’s a number like any other and yet it’s a number like no other.

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