Have you ever thought that you were going to have a bad day and it turned out to be pretty good? Yesterday I started my day by attending the anniversary mass I had said in Mom’s memory. It still hurts to hear her favorite hymns, so I chose the early music-free mass. As I walked into church, I took a deep breath and repeated my mantra, “I will not cry. I will not cry.” I wondered how I’d keep my composure as the priest began. “I will not cry. I will not cry.” After the blessing, he announced the names of the people for whom the mass was being offered. Wait – what?! “Why didn’t he mention Mom?!” Still mentally reciting my mantra, I grabbed the bulletin and looked. Yep, there was her name but it was listed under the intentions for the later mass! Oh no, what was I going to do!? There I was at the very front of the church, so slipping out discretely was not an option. First I felt panic followed by anger that the mass had gotten switched. Then slowly the humor of the whole situation just struck me. Suddenly my mantra changed to “I will not laugh. I will not laugh.” That slip up freed my heart. Yeah, the bulletin may have said that the later mass was in Mom’s honor, but I knew she was enjoying this one with me. And the fact that I could pray along with my fellow parishioners and be happy knowing she was getting a kick out of it was the best honor I could give her.
Later, I heard some news that I couldn’t wait to share with Mom so naturally I picked up the phone and started to dial. And then it hit me that she’s not at the other end of the line anymore. I sat down and just sobbed. While I sat there blubbering I thought about it and whenever I couldn’t talk with her, I would send her an email. So that’s exactly what I did; I wrote her the longest, most newsy email and then I hit “send”. It felt good telling her everything that had been going on and about a situation that I’ve been praying on because I need some guidance. All the things I would’ve told her over the phone.
You know, I haven’t received that (email) postmaster notification telling me that it was undeliverable. I hope she got my message.